A "conversation" with Wage Ugly.

Cubs are sucking.
My Daddy has a scary beard.
I am da shit.
My Daddy lost his Cubs hat.
Mommy thinks they'll find it (but she has no idea where).
I like to hit people.
Especially my little brother, Babo.
He eats a lot of cookies.
Did I mention that the Cubs are sucking?
Daddy says he'll try to fix it.
People use our drainage field as a dog park.
That's cool, but they don't pick up the poo.
That's icky.
I didn't vote for Obama. I voted for ME!
(I put "your moms" for VP.)
I am very clever--my Daddy says so.
Daddy got scared by an Otter Pop that lives by our house.
He screamed like...well, Babo.
I like Arvada.
There are hot girls here.
I woo them with my charms when Mommy and Daddy are at work.
I am not an "orange pancake," despite what Aunt Kasha calls me.
I call her lots of names.
Mommy won't let me type them.
Daddy loves me a lot.
He walks around the house saying "My son, bring me my son!" in a funny voice.
I like it.
I don't have a nose, so I can't tell how bad you stink.
That's good for you.
More pictures, Mommy!




Mommy says we should put pictures of Babo up here, too, but I say NO, and I always win these things.
Hee hee.

All you can eat...but do you want to?

So, tonight we started an experiment. Below, please find the results, as shared with us by Master James.

Q: What was the intent of this experiment?
A: To find mass quantities of pork in order to satiate my unquenchable desire for all things swine.

Q: To which fine establishment did you go in this quest, and why?
A: The Bennett's BBQ on 52nd in Arvada. Thursday is "All You Can Eat Ribs," so we had to check it out.



Q: Before we go any further, what do you look for in a "good" rib?
A: Falls off the bone, good sauce, pork--not beef.

Q: Given those qualifications, where would you say tonight's meal ranked?
A: It would be safe to say that the Pepsi that accompanied the plate was truly the highlight of the meal.

Q: What about savory sides? Did you have any with your meal?
A: Tasteless coleslaw, pedestrian baked beans, soggy fries, and garlic toast that appeared to have been sat upon by a large, plus-sized model.

Q: Would you return to this establishment?
A: No.

Q: Even for FREE ribs?
A: No. Your questions are far too formal.

Q: I apologize.
A: Show the picture.



Q: Knowing that you will not return, where in Arvada will you seek your swine?
A: The "Indiana" Texas Roadhouse. Accept no imitations.

Gnorbert Gnows Better

Yet to be verified, but sent by supportive Gnome-watchers in Florida.

MODESTY
Woman's ignoble statuary draws ire.

There is a scandal afoot in the garden of Sandra Smith of Hunnington, England. Smith has a collection of about 200 gnomes in her garden, but the problem revolves around only three of them. They probably have cute names, but for brevity sake, they will be referred to as the naked ones. They aren't new. They've been there for fifteen years. But a neighbor doesn't like them, not one bit. But now that the Town Council has found out about the staues--two busty exhibitionists and a man who couldn't hold it any longer--Smith, 64, has been ordered to cover them up. So she rolled her eyes and got them some little T-shirts. "

How do you kill time on a long flight?

Why, you play hangman, of course!

Here, a list of our hangman terms. Make of them what you will.

Your moms
Cash Money
Jim Rome
Sookie
Gourmet Party Mix
Trick Daddy
Montezuma
Make It Rain
Papa Murphy's
Rob Colestock
Bill Compton
Dashboard Rex
Dookie Hauser Blankee
Lucern
Detroit Lean
Rice Cakes
Ground Chuck
Macchiato
Shroom and Swiss
Brett Favre
Ernie Banks
Trick Hoe
Hoosier Daddy
Bros Before Hoes.
Nerdcore
Bdbbb!
Trueffects
Babalugats76
I'm a player.
Give a Garmin.
Hamburgler
Gentrification
Wichita, Kansas
Flatulence

So, whatever. We were entertained.
--James and Jennifer

St. Bernard Project Wins Big!!

Liz McCartney, the woman who runs the group James worked with down in New Orleans, just won the CNN 2008 Hero of the Year, and $100,000 to keep doing the amazing work that she does.




Read the article, tune in on Thanksgiving, and keep focused on what you are truly thankful for this time of year.

Congratulations, Liz!

For Fletch and Jena and Mark...

...and everyone else who has been gently reminding us that life, perhaps, has continued on for us since the 4th of July and our exciting 72 hours of scanning. (And, yes, it really was that cool.)

Well, our plans to continue our adventures at an altitude other than 5280 didn't pick up steam as quickly as we were thinking they might, so we decided to stick around for another cycle and see what happens.

These days, life is good--getting chilly, but good. Jennifer is inflicting pain and suffering on a new group of students at Alameda High School, in Lakewood, CO. And, since she apparently has a bizarre strain of Adult Professional ADHD (APADHD), she's also taking three different online classes while working an extra ten hours a week to co-write a different online class that the District hopes to offer for its Heritage Spanish speakers next fall.

See how busy she looks? She doesn't even have time to glare at the camera...


As for James, he contentedly splits his time between working for da Man and creating the King of all OpenSource Oracle tools--DBAdminisaurous, AKA Dashboard Rex. I'll admit, I don't fully (even partially?) understand what all it does, but it you scroll down the page, you'll see the cute dinosaur logo we created for it.

And of course, we continue to lick our wounds after a disappointing end to a phenomenal year in Cubbie Land. This process has been made easier--and much more stylish--by the welcome addition of (a now-collector's item) Kerry Wood jersey from the Valpo front.




We may be a bit dark and blurry, but we're damn good looking in Kerry Wood's finest. We will miss him tons and wish him the very best!!

Other than that, we're having fun winterizing ourselves for the chill that's starting to come in. Doors have been unhinged, weatherstripped, and rehung; long underwear has been purchased (and is being gleefully worn far beyond what our mothers would say was an appropriate amount of time between washings); oil is changed, with tires to be rotated soon, and a new fuzzy blanket has been purchased. One can never have too many fuzzy blankets...

And, to make life even sweeter, Master Rob is coming to visit in a few days!! YAY!

Yet another reason why my boyfriend kicks ass...

So, to start, you'll have to travel back in time with me. Somewhere about a year ago, James and I were in the middle of trying to pack up the house, the cars, getting ready to head out on the road. Part of this experience entailed moving all of my boxes (and boxes and boxes) of work-related materials. First, from the school to my car; then, home; next, to our little Public Storage spot. By this point, James was threatening to leave me, so I managed to pick out nine full boxes worth of precious bits and pieces and really heavy books that I was kinda sorta maybe o.k. with not taking with us all around the country. Mind you, there were tears. And whining. And lots of excuses as to why I needed to keep every last page of every last text book that I still hadn't ever opened. James suggested we could get a scanner and maybe keep the really good stuff, but I think I was too busy emoting to listen to anyone's silly suggestions.

That said, the nine boxes went back in the car--still leaving nine or so in storage, of course--and out to sit in front of our house until the craigslist groupies came and picked 'em all up in one fell swoop. (There may have been additional tears at this point, though I don't recall.)

Fast forward about twelve months. In my preparations for leaving DSST, I was again faced with boxes and boxes. Again, I feared that I would lose my beloved. Again, he suggested we might try a scanner. This time, however, I listened. (James says I'm stubborn--I prefer to think of it as strongly determined to uphold my beliefs in the face of overwhelming evidence potentially to the contrary. I'm learning, and getting much better, though! Keep reading if you don't believe me!)

So, the scanner was ordered. Thanks to Newegg's 3-day business day "promise," we waited like lonely, little ol' ladies for the UPS delivery guy for the next seven days. Finally, at almost 6:00 last night, she arrived to our gleeful cheers, settled in to her spot at the kitchen table, and promptly got to work.

Audrey ("Feed Me, Seymour, feed me!"), James and I have been busy. We have quite the operation going around here now, and have managed to do some impressive work. As I write this, I think we've scanned close to 5000 pages, more than making up for the cost, the time, and the 21 lbs. that our little girl came in at (not to mention the tons of books going out!).

Like any proud parents, we had to show her off...



Isn't she cute? I love the way she cuddles up to James like this.





Having painstakingly ripped apart tens of books today--not to mention hunting down code that allows us to treat Audrey like one of her $3000 two-sided-copying cousins--James is getting ready to take a load off, which I fully support. As for my end of things, I've scanned as much as any girl can in a ten-hour shift, and I think I'll join him.

Besides, someone said something about fireworks? Oh right!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!

RE: Revocation of Die-hard Cubs fan status

Click to view above..

So, I'm cheating...

...and, if you follow this link, you'll find out why.

It bloomed!!

O.k., so this may not be of significant interest to most of you, but I (Jennifer) have been teasing this little vine into being for the last several weeks and finally, at long, long, loooooong last, IT BLOOMED!





As you can see, it is one helluva sexy plant!

Also a sexy plant, for those of you who know her, 'B' has sent up two great new shoots that look like they may actually take hold this time! Gnerwyn spends a great deal of time in "positive growth" conversations with her, which we think has something to do with her success.



Yay for growing things!!

And, though I suppose we're posting this a day late, Happy Father's Day!!

Artsy-fartsy garden shots from the Downs...

Point and shoot is easy in this garden.









Obviously, I take no credit. But, Mom, whenever we figure out where the heck we're landing, remember to scale back the plans accordingly!

And then, this one time...

...Jennifer took a trip back to Seattle to see the folks. As always, an opportunity to eat a lot, walk and get bubble tea, and generally just hang out for a couple of days. And go through more bottles of wine than you would think the mere number of people involved would be capable of. (All bottles not shown.) Go figure.






It was also a great opportunity to finally get to see Lisa and Charlie and their newest (though almost year old) addition, Anne Marie. They are the most wonderfully, obnoxiously, happy family I have seen in a long while. (Please, keep it up!)





It was a wonderful, albeit short trip.

This one time, in Austin...

Fine. We get it. Two updates in, like, forever, just doesn't cut it. Not a problem. We can fix this. Now, of course, we don't actually remember a lot of the context for some of this, so you'll have to be patient. But you're already so good at that!

Let's see... We could start with a couple pictures of our Austin Adventure, AKA "Messin' with Texas." Having heard such great things about the area for so long, curiosity just got the better of us and we had to check things out.

Here, James, on his way to find good grub on West 6th street...


...and trying to figure out how the hell we're going to get back to our delightful little HoJo by the highway. (Naturally, I picked it, as I do with most of our finer road-trippin' abodes.)


Among our other adventures, we found a great bar (slightly reminiscent of my little girl back home), that we really wanted to check out...


...but since it was still late morning, we couldn't quite pull that one off. That decided, we wandered around downtown and settled on this great little sports bar that would let us watch the Cubbies kick some butt. On multiple screens!! (Please feel free to check the current standings, should you be in any doubt.)


After it all--and a really cool lightening storm--we packed up and headed back to Denver. While I don't know that Austin would ever feel like home, I can honestly say that y'all are some really nice folks and it's a great town. I can't wait to go back!

Aida Klein Marglin

My grandmother, Aida Klein Marglin, passed away on April 20, 2008. As a strong, independent woman that lived her life well for over a century, it seems trite but true to say that I will miss her.

Here, randomly snagged from a google search, is a picture of her from 1962 (third from right).

Happy Birthday, James!!

Both Gnorbert, Gnerwyn (our newest gnome addition--pictures coming soon, we promise) and I want to wish the happiest of Happy Birthdays to our favorite tall person!

And many, many more!
Love,
Jennifer

Gnorbert says "Happy 2008, y'all!!"

O.k., I get it. It's been a while. So? Life gets busy. What's a gnome to do? Besides, with all the snow around here, I haven't even been able to clear out a path to the computer!



So, on with it, right? Here, some pictures from the last few weeks...

The tall ones decided to spend the better part of three days prepping for their Christmas feast. (Not that they shared it with me, but whatever!) A few highlights, just to make y'all jealous.

Ralph, after his naked, hot-tubbing followed by intense sauna/tanning incident.


He was one heck of a good-tasting bird!


Yummmmmy. And then some. It was good they made two pies.


Who knew you could pose while making gravy? Leave it to James...


Member of the clean plate club!


And then there were the new additions to the house.


These little guys like to get into all sorts of trouble, but they keep Jennifer's feet nice and warm. Now, if only they'd quit mouthing off at James. That does NOT make him happy.

As to other news, things keep moving along... Jennifer says she saw an unmistakable sign as she was driving down Monaco, so decided to head home for a couple of too-quick trips.



Thanksgiving was yummy, and a nice time to catch up with the family, as was the post-Christmas trip.

Susie, getting ready to dine...


Susie and Steve...


Proud parents of Emily and Jennifer.


And of course, Kellee and Ms. Peavee


Peavee and Zorra, begging like good dogs do


Um...


I don't even know what else I can say at this point. That last picture is just too much for a little gnome like me. Next time I will introduce you to my new buddy, Gnerwyn, who has come to stay with us. He's still a little too shy for his blog debut, but I'm working on him.

Hope everyone had a happy, safe holiday season!! And now, on with 2008!

La casa del Gnomito

Here, for the curious amongst ya, are some quick shots of our little casa.

From the front door, looking across our living room to our kitchen table.


And from the table looking back towards the front door. (And, yes, that's a bowl of leftover Halloween candy still on the table. What restraint, no?!)


Our kitchen.


The bedroom, with the most comfortable bed in the world. It's also where our favorite house plant, Bea, lives. On the floor. In the corner. Next to the laundry baskets. O.k., so we're still working on the place--geez!


And James working away on his computer in the Man Room. Girls and gnomes are allowed in, but they should be brief.


The f^%$ing apple tree that continues to drop nasty, wormy little fruit all over the side and back yard.


Our front door, complete with one of my favorite features, our little red mailbox.


The front porch is also where we store these...


...which I believe will get plenty of use this winter.

It's a good little spot for a gnome and couple of tall people, don't you think?

Peace out, y'all. Gnorbert's off for a nap in that seriously comfy bed...

Free Day at the Denver Zoo!

So, Denver has this really cool thing they do where they let you get out and enjoy the town for FREE!

With that in mind, Jennifer decided to take advantage of the beautiful, almost 80 degree Sunday afternoon to go to the Denver Zoo.



While it was no Woodland Park, she had to admit it was a pretty cool place!

From the cool artwork...





To the cool critters...







...it was a great afternoon. She even managed to get another bad picture of her friend Kasha from work!



And a cute one, too. Gotta be fair!



Next posting, I promise, some pictures from the Casa de Gnorbert. Gotta start representin', right?

Proof...

...that Srta. Marglin is truly adored by her DSST students for her loving, compassionate nature.



--Gnorbert

And so we go adventuring...

For a new haircut!! Well, I don't know if you can really call it adventuring, but Jennifer did go downtown this past Saturday in search of a new do, and exploring the big city can count as an adventure, right?

Travel with us, if you will, through her day of Colorado fun.

First, with backpack full of things to grade (HA! Like she's really going to get around to it!), Jennifer heads out in the wee morning hours (like, 9-ish or so) and waves goodbye to her cute little house
.


After a brisk walk, she arrives at the starting point of her motorized transport, the oh-so-glorious bus stop at Yale and Colorado.



She will be taking the 40.

Upon arriving at the Light Rail transfer station (a truly novel concept for a girl from slowpoke Seattle) about ten minutes later, she meets a very nice lady named Betty with whom she spends quite some time discussing travel, history and just how short she should get her hair cut.

She also met a man in a gorilla suit.



As it turns out, there is an annual 5K run in Downtown Denver where everyone dresses up like a gorilla. (But, she wonders, do they all wear such fetching underwear?)

Upon boarding the train, Jennifer, Betty and the Gorilla Man head downtown at almost lightening speed. Jennifer is so impressed that she almost missed the giant blue bear peering into the Denver Convention Center.



Almost.



Jennifer actually had to get off the train and walk back to get a better look at the creature. (Strange girl...)

After that, she headed down towards the 16th Street Mall, brightly festooned with purple and black (not that you can see it in the pictures) in support of the Colorado Rockies who, obviously, were doomed to failure. It was awfully pretty just the same.



Also on the 16th Street Mall is the awesome Aveda Institute, where highly talented students provide amazing service for dirt cheap prices. What's not to love about that?!

After a blissful four hours (we did mention that they're students, right?), she left relaxed and energized and with a cute new haircut that she has, of yet, not gotten around to getting a picture of. (Coming soon, like all blog additions.)

She did manage to get a picture of her new friend, Kasha, with whom she had a grading party on Sunday afternoon. This picture does Kasha absolutely no justice whatsoever--but check out the hint of pretty mountains in the background!



This weekend James and Jennifer are plotting a real trip to the mountains--not for any cold weather activities, mind you, but to find a highly recommended pizzeria and brewery that claims to hide out somewhere about an hour and a half outside of town.

And what's not to like about that?!

Big question is whether or not they'll take me with them!
Keep your fingers crossed--mine are too busy holding up my little pot o' treasures!

-Big G

What? Y'all want ANOTHER update? Geez...

Alright. So here's what it comes down to. Sometimes a gnome just gets a little homesick. After 10,000 frickin' miles, I decided I just wanted to go home. Now, please note that I'm not bailing on James and Jennifer--there's no way I'm going back to that house where the dog kept peeing on me--but I just felt like it was time to return to my Mile High Home.

That said, we all did a crazy little dance for a few days, frantically dragged our stuff from Point A to Point D, set things up as best we could and dove in full force. James has been setting up the home office and all the computer bits and pieces needed for techie success.



And, through serendipitous good fortune, Jennifer has a job already! Her madre, Susie, sent her flowers to congratulate her on making it through the first week! (Rumor has it that it almost made Jennifer cry in front of her new coworkers, but who'd believe something like that?)



(Thanks, Mom! They were wonderful!)

Of course, we were celebrating for quite some time as the Cubs did amazing things to make it through to a glorious end of season. See how happy James is?!



There was even Champion Chili for Cubs fans everywhere!! (Well, at least for James, Jennifer and Ryan, who came bearing an awesome pumpkin that now sits outside and prepares the house for the impending attack of the trick-or-treaters...)



Of course, things didn't continue on quite the same exciting path for our dear Cubbies, but there's always next year! In the meantime, James and Jennifer keep themselves busy being stubborn in their lack of support for the Colorado Rockies, much to the chagrin of Jennifer's new students.

Next time, shots of the new casa, for the curious among y'all, as well our beautiful Colorado surroundings!

Map of our Journey to Date....

What?! Y'all want updates?!

O.k...a few snapshots from our mysterious last few weeks.

While in Nashville, we got a chance to check out the Country Music Hall of Fame, which was cooler than cool...


And got to take in a pre-season game with the Tennessee Titans...


We did some really normal things like buying shoes. Doesn't James look sexy? Personally, I think "shorts with dress-socks" is a great look...


We even got to have dinner with friends when we met up with Heather, formerly of Fort Wayne. (She still owes us her pictures from the night...they're much better, I assure you!)


Eventually, we had to say goodbye to Nashville--a fantastic city to which we hope to return someday--and get back on the road. We did some road warrior action--many, many miles in just a couple of days--and, before we knew it, had, made it to Sedona, AZ...


...where we ate yummy Mexican food, though James didn't like his very much...



...and prepared to go on to Phoenix to see the CUBS BEAT THE DIAMONDBACKS!!


Post-victory dance, we headed back out on the road and decided to take a couple of much needed scenic stops.

First, to the Grand Canyon...



Then we were on to Monument Valley for an amazing sunset and a brutal battle between the disappearing light and a camera with a low battery. The camera won, at least with this shot.


The next morning, we were back on the road again, moving north through Utah and the Navajo country.






And now...? Well, we can't overwhelm y'all with too much information...

Cubs Win!

Sorry for the absence of pics. Just a quick post to update you - our dedicated readers - that with tonight's win our lovable losers, the Chicago Cubs, have taken their rightful share of 1st place. One of our most loathed teams, the Milwaukee Brewers, had claimed sole possession of first place for 101 days; however, the Cubs have played the best baseball in the Major leagues in the last month and a half to become a winning ballclub as well as a serious contender. We'll keep you posted as our run for the post-season continues. The non-believers can, of course, read for themselves.

As for our adventure, we will be in RTP for the next couple of days, staying in a low-grade hotel (of course) in Durham.

One note of concern: I had the worst American-style Mexican cuisine tonight at a local restaurant. It was troubling to say the least. Jennifer is sitting in bed with an aching tummy.

Let the adventure contiune...

-Don James

More Notes from the Road

After Memphis we headed to Nashville and then down to Huntsville, AL. This morning we awoke in Knoxville after braving some of the worst traffic (idiots going too fast, crashing, etc.) of the trip thus far. We awoke to some redneck burning wet wood in a camp grill while drinking his umpteenth Icehouse. There was also this weird duck, but I'll leave that story for another time. Well, here are the pics:

THE OPRY:





DOWNTOWN NASHVILLE (lots of guitars people, I'm serious):




SOMEONE GOT A NEW HAIRCUT - BOOM! WHAT'S HAPPENIN':



WHERE WE ARE TODAY (FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY...):



Stats are below for those who are keeping track:

States Visited	12
Last Night's Dinner	Chicken Noodle Soup and Grilled Cheese
Ice Bags Purchased	..I think the infinity symbol goes here
Miles Traveled	3,890
Number of references to "your moms"	1,086
Currently Reading

The ghost of Elvis and then some...

Grab yer blue suade shoes, folks, we're heading to Graceland!

Actually, not exactly to Graceland, but we stood outside and marveled and the Elvis-ness of it all.






Not only did we chill outside the gates of Graceland, hoping to catch glimpses of Elvis' ghost slipping through the trees, but we also stayed less than a half mile away at the 'Elvis Presley Blvd RV Park'... It was, um, charming? Now, I'm a pretty tough little gnome, but this whole place looked like the set for a bad horror movie and I decided to stay in the car and let the tall ones sacrifice themselves to the charms of tent living on one of the sketchiest gravel lots in TN while I got some real sleep.

After making it through the night, the three of us headed into to Downtown Memphis to catch some of the sights, play a few guitars, and spend the night playing on Beale Street.






The trip through the Gibson factory was a definite highlight, and definitely got us in the mood for even more music at our next stop... Nashville!

Worth so many words

The voyage continues...

The "Show Me" state takes their highway cleanliness quite seriously. I must obey.



Sometimes the boys just get a bit weary of life on the road.



Arriving in St. Louis. No offense to the Space Needle, but DAMN!



I could be a model...



Relaxing at the KOA in Perrysville, MO. First firefly sighting of the trip.



Our first Piggly Wiggly. Tell the South we have arrived!



And onward we go...

KC Masterpiece, Baby!

After Denver, we headed out to conquer the giant open space that is Kansas. We put in what can only be described as many, many, many miles to try and make our way to the land of flying monkeys and little dogs, too.

On the way, stopped in Lawrence, KS, where we experienced some techy culture shock as we tried to, well, do this only to find the Internet "connectivity" to be an issue. First we tried at this funky little coffee shop called Henry's, and then at the FedEx Kinkos, but the stars were not aligned correctly, so we wandered on towards Kansas City. (I have been instructed to share with the readers that Lawrence actually is a wonderful place and the Internet issues may have been an aberration and should not be considered indicative of any long-term issues the town may or may not have.)

But not before stopping for our first Midwest Salad, complete with bacon and cheese and honey-mustard dressing that looked a bit like yellow glue...



After that, James just kept muttering something about getting closer to his power source...

I gotta say...a gnome could feel at home in Kansas City (KS or MO!). We saw some schools, saw some homes, and got our grub on at the KC Masterpiece up the street from our hotel.





After a good night of grubbin', we headed out into the world, valiant warriors armed with our BooBerry cereal and wannabe-Nerf football and started out on the road again.



The adventures are virtually never ending...

I am so ashamed...

I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.
I will not violate the Breakfast rule.

And if I do, I will eat this as penance.


Love, Jennifer

Road Rules: The First Installment

12 days on the road. 1,700+ miles traveled and lots more to go. Here are some nuggets of wisdom from our prepubescent voyage (in no particular order):

USE THE LADIES RESTROOM: It has been scientifically proven that ALL female facilities are 3X cleaner and pleasant-smelling than their male counterparts.

SNARKY T-SHIRTS + CUBS HAT = FRIENDS EVERYWHERE: It's true. As a variant of "slug bug," try sporting the aforementioned combination and count how many people come up and talk to you unsolicited.

EXTREME COOLER IS A MUST: What keeps food and frosty beverages colder longer than the extreme cooler (2" insulation all around this bad boy - boom what's happenin')? NOTHING y'all. Add couple bags of ice every other day or so and you are dialed in. Oh, "pee" your cooler as necessary.

PROPER FOOTCARE IS A MUST: I highly recommend ankle socks and shoes for prolonged trips such as these. Cracked heels are no fun - believe that:

RESPECT BREAKFAST: Most important meal of the day - eat it. Apropos the nature of the meat served at Denny's: some mysteries were never meant to unfurled.

PARK IN THE SHADE: Triple digit temperatures mean business - you should too...

DOUBLE-CHECK YOUR MILK SHAKES: It should take ample forefinger strength to stir your milk shake upon acquisition. Accept no soupy alternatives.

I HEREBY DUB YOU "MISSION CONTROL": Consolidate your most important belonging into a backpack. Call this backpack "Mission Control" and don't take flight without it.

"REHEAT" YOUR CLOTHING THEN WASH THOROUGHLY: That's right...we got the funk.

Enjoy 50 Cent: No, not the thuggish, ruggish rapper, the ice cream cone. Chambers of Commerce everywhere take heed. Want travelers to stop at your interstate interchange? The 50 cent ice cream cone is indubitably the most viscious "shank" in your marketing scabbard.

STARDATE 2007: The future is here. And with it are a couple more things to consider the proliferation of ubiquitous: Wireless Internet, Californians, and Rednecks.

More later...

The Next Episode...

Howdy folks. Here is the good word from the travel frontlines:

We left Salt Lake on Saturday heading into the vast open spaces of Wyoming. We spent a night at the RV World Campsite in Rawlins.

The next day we hit the road early stabbing eastward into Colorado. First stop was Ft. Collins where we had a little family fun at "Fort Fun" and then we headed into the Rockies where we spent a night in the Roosevelt National Forest, camping in a place called "Pleasant Valley".

Come Monday, we pulled into Denver. It was a full day: workout at the local 24 Hour Fitness; visits to local schools; as well as a visit to my Aunt Jan's bar - Moxie's - in Denver. We are a little - scratch that, a lot - hungover today, so who knows what the day will bring. All travelers are healthy and in good spirits. And now for you, our friends, some pictures:

Surprising Salt Lake!

I'll be honest, folks.

I wasn't sure at first how Salt Lake City would take to a little fellow like me. As it turns out, we get along just fine!

One of my favorite things to do in Salt Lake, especially after these last few months in Seattle, is ride around on the light rail. As you can see James modeling here, the transportation in this town is actually easy to manage--and fun, too!



James and Jennifer dragged me all over town: a couple different neighborhoods, some cool parks, up to the Capitol building (as seen in the distance from the West High School front steps)...



...and down to Temple Square. That's James, waiting for the train again, this time checking out the job possibilities in the shadows of the Mormon Monuments.



After all that, we headed back for some pool time at the Holiday Inn and some planning for the next steps in our adventure.

Up next: Denver, via Wyoming. Bring it on, beotches!

Cool Camping

Boom! What's happenin'?!

The trip to Salt Lake City took us about two days, which left us with lots of time for me to check out the gnomettes at the camp sites along the way.

First, we stopped in Rupert, ID, at the Lake Walcott State Park/Minidoka Dam Wildlife Refuge Area. It may not have been lions and tigers and bears (oh my!), but it was owls and porcupines and pelicans, and they were pretty damn cool.

And James did have his own certain wildlife run-in, I suppose.



It was, by all accounts, a really cool place, especially for being out in the middle of absolute nowhere!





And I got to go out on the ol' H20 for a bit, too.



I'm definitely an aqua-lovin' gnome, y'all, though I gotta say there was a bit o' something funny about the water there...



After leaving Idaho, and its wildfires...



...the three of us heading down towards Salt Lake City. We couldn't help but stop, though, at the most charming place: Cherry Hill Camping Resort.



We could not have asked for a more family-friendly-yet-totally-cool place to spend the day.

The Lazy River



The Batting Cages (SO COOL!)



The Miniature Golf, which James won, though only by two strokes.



And, after breakfast the next morning, which consisted of eggs, bacon, fresh fruit, lucky charms and OJ, we got back on the road for the last few miles to Salt Lake.



This is one happy traveling gnome.

Beautiful Boise

Yup! We made it to Boise!

The crazy tall ones went cruising around town in the blistering heat, got a tour at Borah High School from a neat guy name Chris, checked out Boise High in the Downtown area and stopped for food at the Piper Pub.





James got tired of my backseat driving...



...so he and Jennifer dumped me off at the Capitol Building. I thought I might find some cute little gnome-intern looking for a good time.



I saw a couple of cuties, but none of them were really all dat, if you know what I mean. That said, we're packing up in the morning and heading off towards Salt Lake City.

Into the wild blue yonder...

One last look at the Seattle skyline...





Yup. Those crazy kids are off and running. Well, not really running. More like driving. But I guess some running. And swimming. And camping. And eating. And driving some more.

Early Friday morning--would have been earlier, but the realization was had that a Subaru wagon really does have some size limitations that must be observed--James and Jennifer hit the road on their way down to Portland.



After checking in at the glorious Comfort Inn near the airport--and enjoying the pool for a few minutes--they headed off for a night of drunken debauchery and yummy salmon with Fletch and his wife Margie and their two kids.

The next morning, after a trip to the gym (gotta love that 24 Hour Fitness!), we all headed out towards Meacham, OR. Let's just say that between PDX and the campsite in Meacham...well, not a whole lot to see. A lot of very open space. A lot of really hot open space. We did stop briefly in Hood River--just long enough for me to show off my mad skillz. The tall people were jealous, obviously.



Upon arrival in Meacham, camp was made and a grubbin' dinner was had. All in all, quite a nice night.







This morning, after waking up and breaking down camp, we got back on the road for the short trip to Baker City, OR. Gnote from the gnome: Pools are niiiiiiiiiiiice when it is f^%$ing hot outside. Even better, they have showers and laundry here. And internet! Jennifer says something about mad props to the Mountain View Holiday Trav-L-Park. She's so funny when she tries to talk cool...

Right now, James is making dinner, Jennifer is chillin' and I... Well, with all these RVs parked around here, there is bound to be some cute little lady gnome that just can't wait to meet me.



Later, y'all. Have a good night.
--Gnorbert

One last meal before the journey begins...

Thank you to the Marglin clan, plus Kellee and Peavy and Zorra for spending the night with us.









We will miss you guys!!

Love,
Jennifer, James and the Gnome

Happy Fourth of July!

Just a few more hours 'til we hit the road...
Anyone need a couch? :)

Adios, amigos...

Este recadito es para mis estudiantes de Interlake.

Simplemente quiero decirles gracias. Quiero que todos Uds. sepan lo mucho que significan en mi vida. Voy a traer conmigo muchos recuerdos del tiempo que compartimos juntos, y siempre voy a querer mucho a mis Santos.

Con abrazos muy fuertes para todos,

Srta. Marglin

Moving again!

Howdy fine folks. Gnorbert here. Looks like those 2 tall anglos are on the move once again. Surely they will be stowing me away so they can take those frivolous little photos they seem to get such a kick out of.

Good thing my bags are always packed and readily accessible. That's right I am a true vagabond, road warrior supreme. Holla at ya boy!

Anyhoo, you will be needing my new address so that you can send me some more of that adoring fan mail:

James, Jennifer, and Gnorbert (The Giggalo Gnome)
P.O. Box 3811
Bellevue, WA 98009

Marinate on that...

Bring on the Chandon!!

Why, you may ask, is our dear Brother Rob--known by many as Mix Master Chunks--celebrating with the Donald?



Why, it should be obvious!

Yes, that's right. The Bullet-Proof Haircut has joined Mr. Trump and his fantastic follicles in the pages of Forbes Magazine.

For those of you to lazy to read the whole article, the gist is: Rob's the shit.

To quote: "The Firm has added some of the most talented professionals in the tax technology field to its existing team of seasoned professionals, including...Rob Colestock."

Boo-yah, bitches.

Gnorbert out.

Damn racoons!

O.k., so the really cool hamster-ball-turned-feeder has been working well, except that it seems to be attracting rave reviews from some other four-legged critters. Despite James' attempts to convince everyone that it was Ms. Cibel who ripped off the security tape and bit her way through hard molded plastic, I--the constant guardian of all things back yard--have seen the masked bandits in action. Cibel is clearly getting blamed for acts she did not commit.

The dead bird on the lawn, however, is a different story.

Just see what the stress of all this has done to poor Jaime...


In order to assuage the pains of seeing his creation, um, admired by the neighborhood raccoons, James and Jennifer went for breakfast this morning with Jennifer's Dad.


Bacon helps almost everything. Not that they brought me any, but still...a gnome knows these things.

Life on the Eastsiide...

Howdy, folks! Gnorbert here, checkin' in with y'all to see how things are going.

Jennifer and her Dad got home from Spain safe and sound and, mere moments after, Jaime got booted out of his abode and promptly moved over to the Eastsiide.

Of course, that means that Cibel, former Mistress Bitch of the casa had to come live outside with me, which is cool. We get along well. I think she's bringing sexy back, but I'm too shy to tell her...

James, tired of the twice-daily feedings, began working on a few different prototypes for a food-dispensing apparatus. The winner, thus far, is the pimped out hamster ball with one small hole for kibble dispensing.

This requires great work and mental acuity on the part of Miss Thang. Some might call it a bit extreme, but James seems to take considerable glee in watching her push the ball around the yard for hours on end.



It's fun the whole family can enjoy.

And it's got to be better than watching the Cubs lose, right?


Well, I must go now--Jennifer needs the computer back for her Craigslisting adventures. She takes it rather seriously--especially since she figured out it was a more profitable venture than teaching...

Hasta pronto, locos.
--Gnorbert

The joys of flight.

Truly joyous. Really.

Remind us to tell you about why Iberia is not a favorite airline of ours anymore, as well as a bit about one of the unknown security hassles that one might experience in line at the "man only" machine in London's Heathrow Airport.

That said, we're in London and heading home!

See you soon (after about another nine hours of flight time or so)!
Love,
The Viajeros

To market, to market, to buy...

...a lot of stuff.

Now, Bilbao is a very civilized place. There's a Corte Inglés (think of a Fred Meyer crossed with a Nordstrom, but cooler) here that's seven stories tall!

But the Spaniards also like their more traditional market settings. (Now, Dad's pictures are better, but since it's MY card in the card-reader, you get my version of the day. Dad's spot as guest author is coming soon, so stay tuned.)







After the market, we were off and enjoying a beautiful day.


Until...


Yup, it rained. A lot. We stayed undercover at a little bar...


...and took pictures.


Hope all is well! We're getting ready to see you soon!

Hasta pronto,
Los viajeros

The wheels on the bus...go to Vitoria.

Now, here is a city that knows how to do 'midieval'...

Vitoria, the capital of the Basque Country, has--in my opinion--the coolest "really old stuff," as well as a nice blend of modern(ish) thrown in.













And, no, by "really old stuff" I did not mean Dad. (He doesn't like this picture, but I do!!)

After Vitoria, we headed back to Bilbao (on the bus--ask Dad, he LOVED the ride), and decided that we were going to need to explore a bit more of our home base before our final departure. In order to prepare ourselves, we went in search of food.

After some extensive searching, we found ourselves at this place, where the food was hit(Dad)-and-miss(me), but the cider was great! And self-serve!




¡Nos gusta la sidra! ¡Nos gusta mucho!

San Sebastian

Dad had so much fun on the bus, that we decided to try a different one...


This time to San Sebastian, another city on the sea.


Unlike Bilbao, which shares its passion for bridges across rivers, San Sebastian actually is right on the open water of the Bay of Bizcay.

Apparently, the sea air makes people kinda frisky.


In addition to couples making out everywhere, San Sebastian also has an impressive older part of the city right above the harbor.


After wandering endlessly (See, James, you're aren't the only one who gets hassled by the Road Warriors...Dad gets it, too!), we wandered into a small little bar for some pintxos, some fried calamari and some (we think) ETA sympathizers. We were yelled at for trying to take pictures. That's not new to us. I think they're just jealous. (Of what, I'm still not sure, but that's got to be it, right?)


And then to the beach!


We were enjoying the sunshine, taking more pictures, and then...


I know it doesn't look like it, but it was pouring! All the way back to the bus station, where we all sat like wet poopies, all the way home.

You might think that would be enough of the busrides for us...

Guernica

So, we decided to take a bus somewhere. (Dad likes taking buses. He says they are fun.)


When we got off the bus, we were in Guernica, a Basque city of, shall we say, contrasts.


It is an absolutely beautiful town surrounded by mountains (and sheep), with beautiful buildings and amazing open plazas and parks.


It is also the town that Hilter's Condor Legion practiced (in preparation for later activities) by committing the first saturation bombing in history. This was the first time that this sort of bombardment was done almost primarily with the goal of killing and intimidating civilians. The bombing, which took place on a market day, lasted three hours and resulted in approximately 1800 deaths.

The city, as a target, was selected by Franco during the Spanish Civil War since the Basques were, in his opinion, causing him more problems than he wanted to deal with.

Picasso's mural, named after the town, is located in the Reina Sofía Musuem in Madrid, but there is a replica in town so that all can remember...



Today, the city has rebuilt to now include a Peace Museum and a large park dedicated to all of the peoples of Europe. The park, with its creeks and trees and sunny benches, is also home to two large pieces of modern art...



And a bunch of turtles!



Seriously--lots of turtles!




(I had almost as much fun with the turtles than I had with Poopy. And that's a lot.)

Just up one more little hill... And then a little one after that.

And then just one more.



(This place is better than 24 Hour Fitness! It has sheep!)

Yesterday, Dad and I headed out to explore the town of Plentzia, out at the far ends of the Bilbao train system. (Have we mentioned that Bilbao public transit is just about the coolest thing ever?)



Plentzia is out on the...OCEAN.



Yup. Real sand, real waves, really fishy smells and views that go on for ever...

After Plentzia, we decided to go for what was supposed to be an "easy walk" from one of the Metro stops down to the water in a town called Getxo. About an hour later--and some cardio burn that would make any trainer proud--we found our way over the giant hills in the middle of Getxo and down to the waters edge.



A beautiful harbor and, in the far distance, you can see the Puente Colgante, the world's oldest transporter bridge.



But, perhaps you need a closer view of this technological feat from 1893.



And did we mention that you can even go all the way to the top and take pictures (while simultaneously picturing your own fall from waaaaay up high...)?





And, to end a very long day with so much fresh air and sunshine... Our new favorite restaurante: Fük. Yes, Fük. You gotta a problem with that? Take it up with the Spaniards with the twisted sense of linguistic humor.



At long last, after a fükliscious dinner, we headed home, caught up on the BBC World headlines (only English-langage station around here) and got some sleep before starting out on today's adventure which, 'cuz we're sleepy, we'll tell you about tomorrow!

Hoppy Easter!
--Los viajeros

But it's pronounced "poopy"...

Yes, that's right, you're looking at the back end of a gigantic dog made up of entirely of flowers.

The "poopy" (that's really what they call it here) lives out in front of the Guggenheim Museum, welcoming guests and encouraging two of Dad's favorite pasttimes: photography and, well, poopies.





On another note, today we had these great plans to leave city and head to a smaller town about an hour away to fully immerse ourselves in Basque history and culture. Instead, I got some sort of stomach bug and Dad spent the trying to make me eat a banana. (Please, no "poopy" jokes--I already thought of them all...)



Eventually I gave up, a victory Dad celebrated with pictures.

And, just in case you thought we were bailing on our duties as faithful followers of Holy Week processions, we did catch a bit of last night's four-hour long Holy Thursday display.





Here we caught a glimpse of the Last Supper as they crossed over the bridge from the Casco Viejo to the newer part of town.

Perhaps a poopy night for others as well?

Hasta pronto,
Los viajeros

School's out!!

Well, it's Jueves Santo here in España, which means almost everything is closed...except for the internet cafés!

After sleeping in (yay for no school!), Dad and I hit the old section of town, called the Casco Viejo. Since it's a prime tourism spot, we got to blend in with the hoards and take lots and lots and lots of pictures...of other tourists.







Working backwards through our adventure, we finished off classes yesterday with a trip to a small Moroccan bakery with Eva and Diana, our teachers, and a couple of other students from the school.





Check out Eva's shoes!! She is one crazy Spanish chica!



Then, after all of our academic work was done we went off in search of the Guggenheim and a really big spider.





Next time, the coolest dog in all of Bilbao!