Gnorbert Gnows Best: The Adventures of James and Jennifer

A "conversation" with Wage Ugly.

2009-05-28T16:48:00.000-07:00

Cubs are sucking.
My Daddy has a scary beard.
I am da shit.
My Daddy lost his Cubs hat.
Mommy thinks they'll find it (but she has no idea where).
I like to hit people.
Especially my little brother, Babo.
He eats a lot of cookies.
Did I mention that the Cubs are sucking?
Daddy says he'll try to fix it.
People use our drainage field as a dog park.
That's cool, but they don't pick up the poo.
That's icky.
I didn't vote for Obama. I voted for ME!
(I put "your moms" for VP.)
I am very clever--my Daddy says so.
Daddy got scared by an Otter Pop that lives by our house.
He screamed like...well, Babo.
I like Arvada.
There are hot girls here.
I woo them with my charms when Mommy and Daddy are at work.
I am not an "orange pancake," despite what Aunt Kasha calls me.
I call her lots of names.
Mommy won't let me type them.
Daddy loves me a lot.
He walks around the house saying "My son, bring me my son!" in a funny voice.
I like it.
I don't have a nose, so I can't tell how bad you stink.
That's good for you.
More pictures, Mommy!

Mommy says we should put pictures of Babo up here, too, but I say NO, and I always win these things.
Hee hee.

All you can eat...but do you want to?

2009-05-28T16:29:00.000-07:00

So, tonight we started an experiment. Below, please find the results, as shared with us by Master James.

Q: What was the intent of this experiment?
A: To find mass quantities of pork in order to satiate my unquenchable desire for all things swine.

Q: To which fine establishment did you go in this quest, and why?
A: The Bennett's BBQ on 52nd in Arvada. Thursday is "All You Can Eat Ribs," so we had to check it out.

Q: Before we go any further, what do you look for in a "good" rib?
A: Falls off the bone, good sauce, pork--not beef.

Q: Given those qualifications, where would you say tonight's meal ranked?
A: It would be safe to say that the Pepsi that accompanied the plate was truly the highlight of the meal.

Q: What about savory sides? Did you have any with your meal?
A: Tasteless coleslaw, pedestrian baked beans, soggy fries, and garlic toast that appeared to have been sat upon by a large, plus-sized model.

Q: Would you return to this establishment?
A: No.

Q: Even for FREE ribs?
A: No. Your questions are far too formal.

Q: I apologize.
A: Show the picture.

Q: Knowing that you will not return, where in Arvada will you seek your swine?
A: The "Indiana" Texas Roadhouse. Accept no imitations.

Gnorbert Gnows Better

2009-04-27T12:57:00.000-07:00

Yet to be verified, but sent by supportive Gnome-watchers in Florida.

MODESTY
Woman's ignoble statuary draws ire.

There is a scandal afoot in the garden of Sandra Smith of Hunnington, England. Smith has a collection of about 200 gnomes in her garden, but the problem revolves around only three of them. They probably have cute names, but for brevity sake, they will be referred to as the naked ones. They aren't new. They've been there for fifteen years. But a neighbor doesn't like them, not one bit. But now that the Town Council has found out about the staues--two busty exhibitionists and a man who couldn't hold it any longer--Smith, 64, has been ordered to cover them up. So she rolled her eyes and got them some little T-shirts. "

How do you kill time on a long flight?

2008-12-10T14:11:00.000-08:00

Why, you play hangman, of course!

Here, a list of our hangman terms. Make of them what you will.

Your moms
Cash Money
Jim Rome
Sookie
Gourmet Party Mix
Trick Daddy
Montezuma
Make It Rain
Papa Murphy's
Rob Colestock
Bill Compton
Dashboard Rex
Dookie Hauser Blankee
Lucern
Detroit Lean
Rice Cakes
Ground Chuck
Macchiato
Shroom and Swiss
Brett Favre
Ernie Banks
Trick Hoe
Hoosier Daddy
Bros Before Hoes.
Nerdcore
Bdbbb!
Trueffects
Babalugats76
I'm a player.
Give a Garmin.
Hamburgler
Gentrification
Wichita, Kansas
Flatulence

So, whatever. We were entertained.
--James and Jennifer

St. Bernard Project Wins Big!!

2008-11-23T16:45:00.000-08:00

Liz McCartney, the woman who runs the group James worked with down in New Orleans, just won the CNN 2008 Hero of the Year, and $100,000 to keep doing the amazing work that she does.

Read the article, tune in on Thanksgiving, and keep focused on what you are truly thankful for this time of year.

Congratulations, Liz!

For Fletch and Jena and Mark...

2008-11-16T16:41:00.000-08:00

...and everyone else who has been gently reminding us that life, perhaps, has continued on for us since the 4th of July and our exciting 72 hours of scanning. (And, yes, it really was that cool.)

Well, our plans to continue our adventures at an altitude other than 5280 didn't pick up steam as quickly as we were thinking they might, so we decided to stick around for another cycle and see what happens.

These days, life is good--getting chilly, but good. Jennifer is inflicting pain and suffering on a new group of students at Alameda High School, in Lakewood, CO. And, since she apparently has a bizarre strain of Adult Professional ADHD (APADHD), she's also taking three different online classes while working an extra ten hours a week to co-write a different online class that the District hopes to offer for its Heritage Spanish speakers next fall.

See how busy she looks? She doesn't even have time to glare at the camera...

As for James, he contentedly splits his time between working for da Man and creating the King of all OpenSource Oracle tools--DBAdminisaurous, AKA Dashboard Rex. I'll admit, I don't fully (even partially?) understand what all it does, but it you scroll down the page, you'll see the cute dinosaur logo we created for it.

And of course, we continue to lick our wounds after a disappointing end to a phenomenal year in Cubbie Land. This process has been made easier--and much more stylish--by the welcome addition of (a now-collector's item) Kerry Wood jersey from the Valpo front.

We may be a bit dark and blurry, but we're damn good looking in Kerry Wood's finest. We will miss him tons and wish him the very best!!

Other than that, we're having fun winterizing ourselves for the chill that's starting to come in. Doors have been unhinged, weatherstripped, and rehung; long underwear has been purchased (and is being gleefully worn far beyond what our mothers would say was an appropriate amount of time between washings); oil is changed, with tires to be rotated soon, and a new fuzzy blanket has been purchased. One can never have too many fuzzy blankets...

And, to make life even sweeter, Master Rob is coming to visit in a few days!! YAY!

Yet another reason why my boyfriend kicks ass...

2008-07-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

So, to start, you'll have to travel back in time with me. Somewhere about a year ago, James and I were in the middle of trying to pack up the house, the cars, getting ready to head out on the road. Part of this experience entailed moving all of my boxes (and boxes and boxes) of work-related materials. First, from the school to my car; then, home; next, to our little Public Storage spot. By this point, James was threatening to leave me, so I managed to pick out nine full boxes worth of precious bits and pieces and really heavy books that I was kinda sorta maybe o.k. with not taking with us all around the country. Mind you, there were tears. And whining. And lots of excuses as to why I needed to keep every last page of every last text book that I still hadn't ever opened. James suggested we could get a scanner and maybe keep the really good stuff, but I think I was too busy emoting to listen to anyone's silly suggestions.

That said, the nine boxes went back in the car--still leaving nine or so in storage, of course--and out to sit in front of our house until the craigslist groupies came and picked 'em all up in one fell swoop. (There may have been additional tears at this point, though I don't recall.)

Fast forward about twelve months. In my preparations for leaving DSST, I was again faced with boxes and boxes. Again, I feared that I would lose my beloved. Again, he suggested we might try a scanner. This time, however, I listened. (James says I'm stubborn--I prefer to think of it as strongly determined to uphold my beliefs in the face of overwhelming evidence potentially to the contrary. I'm learning, and getting much better, though! Keep reading if you don't believe me!)

So, the scanner was ordered. Thanks to Newegg's 3-day business day "promise," we waited like lonely, little ol' ladies for the UPS delivery guy for the next seven days. Finally, at almost 6:00 last night, she arrived to our gleeful cheers, settled in to her spot at the kitchen table, and promptly got to work.

Audrey ("Feed Me, Seymour, feed me!"), James and I have been busy. We have quite the operation going around here now, and have managed to do some impressive work. As I write this, I think we've scanned close to 5000 pages, more than making up for the cost, the time, and the 21 lbs. that our little girl came in at (not to mention the tons of books going out!).

Like any proud parents, we had to show her off...

Isn't she cute? I love the way she cuddles up to James like this.

Having painstakingly ripped apart tens of books today--not to mention hunting down code that allows us to treat Audrey like one of her $3000 two-sided-copying cousins--James is getting ready to take a load off, which I fully support. As for my end of things, I've scanned as much as any girl can in a ten-hour shift, and I think I'll join him.

Besides, someone said something about fireworks? Oh right!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!

RE: Revocation of Die-hard Cubs fan status

2008-06-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

Click to view above..

So, I'm cheating...

2008-06-18T17:52:00.000-07:00

...and, if you follow this link, you'll find out why.

It bloomed!!

2008-06-16T16:12:00.001-07:00

O.k., so this may not be of significant interest to most of you, but I (Jennifer) have been teasing this little vine into being for the last several weeks and finally, at long, long, loooooong last, IT BLOOMED!

As you can see, it is one helluva sexy plant!

Also a sexy plant, for those of you who know her, 'B' has sent up two great new shoots that look like they may actually take hold this time! Gnerwyn spends a great deal of time in "positive growth" conversations with her, which we think has something to do with her success.

Yay for growing things!!

And, though I suppose we're posting this a day late, Happy Father's Day!!

Artsy-fartsy garden shots from the Downs...

2008-06-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

Point and shoot is easy in this garden.

Obviously, I take no credit. But, Mom, whenever we figure out where the heck we're landing, remember to scale back the plans accordingly!

And then, this one time...

2008-06-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

...Jennifer took a trip back to Seattle to see the folks. As always, an opportunity to eat a lot, walk and get bubble tea, and generally just hang out for a couple of days. And go through more bottles of wine than you would think the mere number of people involved would be capable of. (All bottles not shown.) Go figure.

It was also a great opportunity to finally get to see Lisa and Charlie and their newest (though almost year old) addition, Anne Marie. They are the most wonderfully, obnoxiously, happy family I have seen in a long while. (Please, keep it up!)

It was a wonderful, albeit short trip.

This one time, in Austin...

2008-05-28T17:27:00.000-07:00

Fine. We get it. Two updates in, like, forever, just doesn't cut it. Not a problem. We can fix this. Now, of course, we don't actually remember a lot of the context for some of this, so you'll have to be patient. But you're already so good at that!

Let's see... We could start with a couple pictures of our Austin Adventure, AKA "Messin' with Texas." Having heard such great things about the area for so long, curiosity just got the better of us and we had to check things out.

Here, James, on his way to find good grub on West 6th street...

...and trying to figure out how the hell we're going to get back to our delightful little HoJo by the highway. (Naturally, I picked it, as I do with most of our finer road-trippin' abodes.)

Among our other adventures, we found a great bar (slightly reminiscent of my little girl back home), that we really wanted to check out...

...but since it was still late morning, we couldn't quite pull that one off. That decided, we wandered around downtown and settled on this great little sports bar that would let us watch the Cubbies kick some butt. On multiple screens!! (Please feel free to check the current standings, should you be in any doubt.)

After it all--and a really cool lightening storm--we packed up and headed back to Denver. While I don't know that Austin would ever feel like home, I can honestly say that y'all are some really nice folks and it's a great town. I can't wait to go back!

Aida Klein Marglin

2008-04-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

My grandmother, Aida Klein Marglin, passed away on April 20, 2008. As a strong, independent woman that lived her life well for over a century, it seems trite but true to say that I will miss her.

Here, randomly snagged from a google search, is a picture of her from 1962 (third from right).

Happy Birthday, James!!

2008-04-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

Both Gnorbert, Gnerwyn (our newest gnome addition--pictures coming soon, we promise) and I want to wish the happiest of Happy Birthdays to our favorite tall person!

And many, many more!
Love,
Jennifer

Gnorbert says "Happy 2008, y'all!!"

2008-01-13T15:55:00.000-08:00

O.k., I get it. It's been a while. So? Life gets busy. What's a gnome to do? Besides, with all the snow around here, I haven't even been able to clear out a path to the computer!

So, on with it, right? Here, some pictures from the last few weeks...

The tall ones decided to spend the better part of three days prepping for their Christmas feast. (Not that they shared it with me, but whatever!) A few highlights, just to make y'all jealous.

Ralph, after his naked, hot-tubbing followed by intense sauna/tanning incident.

He was one heck of a good-tasting bird!

Yummmmmy. And then some. It was good they made two pies.

Who knew you could pose while making gravy? Leave it to James...

Member of the clean plate club!

And then there were the new additions to the house.

These little guys like to get into all sorts of trouble, but they keep Jennifer's feet nice and warm. Now, if only they'd quit mouthing off at James. That does NOT make him happy.

As to other news, things keep moving along... Jennifer says she saw an unmistakable sign as she was driving down Monaco, so decided to head home for a couple of too-quick trips.

Thanksgiving was yummy, and a nice time to catch up with the family, as was the post-Christmas trip.

Susie, getting ready to dine...

Susie and Steve...

Proud parents of Emily and Jennifer.

And of course, Kellee and Ms. Peavee

Peavee and Zorra, begging like good dogs do

Um...

I don't even know what else I can say at this point. That last picture is just too much for a little gnome like me. Next time I will introduce you to my new buddy, Gnerwyn, who has come to stay with us. He's still a little too shy for his blog debut, but I'm working on him.

Hope everyone had a happy, safe holiday season!! And now, on with 2008!

La casa del Gnomito

2007-11-17T13:12:00.000-08:00

Here, for the curious amongst ya, are some quick shots of our little casa.

From the front door, looking across our living room to our kitchen table.

And from the table looking back towards the front door. (And, yes, that's a bowl of leftover Halloween candy still on the table. What restraint, no?!)

Our kitchen.

The bedroom, with the most comfortable bed in the world. It's also where our favorite house plant, Bea, lives. On the floor. In the corner. Next to the laundry baskets. O.k., so we're still working on the place--geez!

And James working away on his computer in the Man Room. Girls and gnomes are allowed in, but they should be brief.

The f^%$ing apple tree that continues to drop nasty, wormy little fruit all over the side and back yard.

Our front door, complete with one of my favorite features, our little red mailbox.

The front porch is also where we store these...

...which I believe will get plenty of use this winter.

It's a good little spot for a gnome and couple of tall people, don't you think?

Peace out, y'all. Gnorbert's off for a nap in that seriously comfy bed...

Free Day at the Denver Zoo!

2007-11-11T22:56:00.000-08:00

So, Denver has this really cool thing they do where they let you get out and enjoy the town for FREE!

With that in mind, Jennifer decided to take advantage of the beautiful, almost 80 degree Sunday afternoon to go to the Denver Zoo.

While it was no Woodland Park, she had to admit it was a pretty cool place!

From the cool artwork...

To the cool critters...

...it was a great afternoon. She even managed to get another bad picture of her friend Kasha from work!

And a cute one, too. Gotta be fair!

Next posting, I promise, some pictures from the Casa de Gnorbert. Gotta start representin', right?

Proof...

2007-11-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

...that Srta. Marglin is truly adored by her DSST students for her loving, compassionate nature.

--Gnorbert

And so we go adventuring...

2007-10-30T17:48:00.000-07:00

For a new haircut!! Well, I don't know if you can really call it adventuring, but Jennifer did go downtown this past Saturday in search of a new do, and exploring the big city can count as an adventure, right?

Travel with us, if you will, through her day of Colorado fun.

First, with backpack full of things to grade (HA! Like she's really going to get around to it!), Jennifer heads out in the wee morning hours (like, 9-ish or so) and waves goodbye to her cute little house
.

After a brisk walk, she arrives at the starting point of her motorized transport, the oh-so-glorious bus stop at Yale and Colorado.

She will be taking the 40.

Upon arriving at the Light Rail transfer station (a truly novel concept for a girl from slowpoke Seattle) about ten minutes later, she meets a very nice lady named Betty with whom she spends quite some time discussing travel, history and just how short she should get her hair cut.

She also met a man in a gorilla suit.

As it turns out, there is an annual 5K run in Downtown Denver where everyone dresses up like a gorilla. (But, she wonders, do they all wear such fetching underwear?)

Upon boarding the train, Jennifer, Betty and the Gorilla Man head downtown at almost lightening speed. Jennifer is so impressed that she almost missed the giant blue bear peering into the Denver Convention Center.

Almost.

Jennifer actually had to get off the train and walk back to get a better look at the creature. (Strange girl...)

After that, she headed down towards the 16th Street Mall, brightly festooned with purple and black (not that you can see it in the pictures) in support of the Colorado Rockies who, obviously, were doomed to failure. It was awfully pretty just the same.

Also on the 16th Street Mall is the awesome Aveda Institute, where highly talented students provide amazing service for dirt cheap prices. What's not to love about that?!

After a blissful four hours (we did mention that they're students, right?), she left relaxed and energized and with a cute new haircut that she has, of yet, not gotten around to getting a picture of. (Coming soon, like all blog additions.)

She did manage to get a picture of her new friend, Kasha, with whom she had a grading party on Sunday afternoon. This picture does Kasha absolutely no justice whatsoever--but check out the hint of pretty mountains in the background!

This weekend James and Jennifer are plotting a real trip to the mountains--not for any cold weather activities, mind you, but to find a highly recommended pizzeria and brewery that claims to hide out somewhere about an hour and a half outside of town.

And what's not to like about that?!

Big question is whether or not they'll take me with them!
Keep your fingers crossed--mine are too busy holding up my little pot o' treasures!

-Big G

What? Y'all want ANOTHER update? Geez...

2007-10-23T17:15:00.000-07:00

Alright. So here's what it comes down to. Sometimes a gnome just gets a little homesick. After 10,000 frickin' miles, I decided I just wanted to go home. Now, please note that I'm not bailing on James and Jennifer--there's no way I'm going back to that house where the dog kept peeing on me--but I just felt like it was time to return to my Mile High Home.

That said, we all did a crazy little dance for a few days, frantically dragged our stuff from Point A to Point D, set things up as best we could and dove in full force. James has been setting up the home office and all the computer bits and pieces needed for techie success.

And, through serendipitous good fortune, Jennifer has a job already! Her madre, Susie, sent her flowers to congratulate her on making it through the first week! (Rumor has it that it almost made Jennifer cry in front of her new coworkers, but who'd believe something like that?)

(Thanks, Mom! They were wonderful!)

Of course, we were celebrating for quite some time as the Cubs did amazing things to make it through to a glorious end of season. See how happy James is?!

There was even Champion Chili for Cubs fans everywhere!! (Well, at least for James, Jennifer and Ryan, who came bearing an awesome pumpkin that now sits outside and prepares the house for the impending attack of the trick-or-treaters...)

Of course, things didn't continue on quite the same exciting path for our dear Cubbies, but there's always next year! In the meantime, James and Jennifer keep themselves busy being stubborn in their lack of support for the Colorado Rockies, much to the chagrin of Jennifer's new students.

Next time, shots of the new casa, for the curious among y'all, as well our beautiful Colorado surroundings!

Map of our Journey to Date....

2007-08-27T18:34:00.000-07:00

What?! Y'all want updates?!

2007-08-27T16:42:00.000-07:00

O.k...a few snapshots from our mysterious last few weeks.

While in Nashville, we got a chance to check out the Country Music Hall of Fame, which was cooler than cool...

And got to take in a pre-season game with the Tennessee Titans...

We did some really normal things like buying shoes. Doesn't James look sexy? Personally, I think "shorts with dress-socks" is a great look...

We even got to have dinner with friends when we met up with Heather, formerly of Fort Wayne. (She still owes us her pictures from the night...they're much better, I assure you!)

Eventually, we had to say goodbye to Nashville--a fantastic city to which we hope to return someday--and get back on the road. We did some road warrior action--many, many miles in just a couple of days--and, before we knew it, had, made it to Sedona, AZ...

...where we ate yummy Mexican food, though James didn't like his very much...

...and prepared to go on to Phoenix to see the CUBS BEAT THE DIAMONDBACKS!!

Post-victory dance, we headed back out on the road and decided to take a couple of much needed scenic stops.

First, to the Grand Canyon...

Then we were on to Monument Valley for an amazing sunset and a brutal battle between the disappearing light and a camera with a low battery. The camera won, at least with this shot.

The next morning, we were back on the road again, moving north through Utah and the Navajo country.

And now...? Well, we can't overwhelm y'all with too much information...

Cubs Win!

2007-08-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the absence of pics. Just a quick post to update you - our dedicated readers - that with tonight's win our lovable losers, the Chicago Cubs, have taken their rightful share of 1st place. One of our most loathed teams, the Milwaukee Brewers, had claimed sole possession of first place for 101 days; however, the Cubs have played the best baseball in the Major leagues in the last month and a half to become a winning ballclub as well as a serious contender. We'll keep you posted as our run for the post-season continues. The non-believers can, of course, read for themselves.

As for our adventure, we will be in RTP for the next couple of days, staying in a low-grade hotel (of course) in Durham.

One note of concern: I had the worst American-style Mexican cuisine tonight at a local restaurant. It was troubling to say the least. Jennifer is sitting in bed with an aching tummy.

Let the adventure contiune...

-Don James

More Notes from the Road

2007-07-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

After Memphis we headed to Nashville and then down to Huntsville, AL. This morning we awoke in Knoxville after braving some of the worst traffic (idiots going too fast, crashing, etc.) of the trip thus far. We awoke to some redneck burning wet wood in a camp grill while drinking his umpteenth Icehouse. There was also this weird duck, but I'll leave that story for another time. Well, here are the pics:

THE OPRY:

DOWNTOWN NASHVILLE (lots of guitars people, I'm serious):

SOMEONE GOT A NEW HAIRCUT - BOOM! WHAT'S HAPPENIN':

WHERE WE ARE TODAY (FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY...):

Stats are below for those who are keeping track:

States Visited	12
Last Night's Dinner	Chicken Noodle Soup and Grilled Cheese
Ice Bags Purchased	..I think the infinity symbol goes here
Miles Traveled	3,890
Number of references to "your moms"	1,086
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